I can’t talk to my spouse. How will mediation work?

Without question the process of divorcing is difficult. You and your spouse are understandably confused, hurt and angry. This is not where either of you expected to be when you married. It would be unusual if you weren’t upset. Mediation is not just for people who communicate and cooperate. It is most helpful when people are not able to talk to each other. The question is not where you are now, but where do you want to go and how are you going to get there? Do you want to get revenge with a full-scale, costly battle? Or do you want to get on with your life with dignity and preserve your financial assets? If you want to move on without emotional and financial disaster, we can help you get there.

I don’t want a divorce – can I prevent it?

The short answer is no. Connecticut law says that the court must grant a divorce if the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Since it takes two people to make a marriage work, if one spouse says that the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the court must grant the divorce.

What can I do to make the process easier?

The process of a divorce is hard no matter what direction you take. The changes you will have to make are scary. There is less money to go around and more expenses for awhile. There are many decisions to make. Everyone around you has advice to offer – from family and friends to strangers in the supermarket. It is painful and confusing. You need to be able to sort through all of your feelings and the advice of well-meaning advice-givers and make decisions that make sense for your future. An objective counselor or therapist can help you sort through these issues and make decisions for yourself for the right reasons.

What issues need to be resolved in the divorce process?

• parenting arrangements
• child support
• spousal support
• property issues including: real estate, pensions, personal property
• payment of debts

Why do I need an attorney if I am using a mediator?

It is recommended that you have the advice of a lawyer during the mediation process and who will act as review counsel for your final written agreement. A mediator will facilitate your agreement, educate you about the law and help you negotiate your way through the filing of court papers and procedure. A mediator will not give legal advice to the individual parties in the mediation process concerning what their ultimate decision should be and how to best protect their individual interest. Consulting a lawyer during the process will help each of the parties individually to understand their rights and obligations. You will also want an attorney to review the language of your final agreement to protect you legally. You do not have an attorney; we can help you find one.

How long will it take until my divorce is final?

In the mediation process you determine how long your divorce process will take. The length of time it takes to complete your divorce will depend on the complexity of the issues that must be resolved. Most people reach an agreement in 6-8 sessions, or even less. The traditional contested divorce case with lawyers in court generally takes between 9 and 12 months, in some cases, even longer.

It is understandable that you want your divorce to be over as soon as possible but because your divorce agreement will determine your rights for many years to come, you don’t want to rush through the process so quickly that you make misinformed or bad decisions. You want to take sufficient time to be able to gather the information you need, understand all of the facts and legal issues, and make decisions that are based on what you need – and not driven by emotions of anger or simply a desire to have the experience over.

What are the costs in a divorce, aside from mediation or legal fees?

   • cost of service of the divorce complaint by state marshal, estimated: $40.
   • filing fee of divorce complaint with court: $125
   • certified copy of final divorce decree: $25 each
   • parent education class for families with minor children: $100 each.

What about the 90-days I have heard about?

Connecticut law states that the court does not have jurisdiction to grant your divorce before 90 days from the return date on the complaint for dissolution of your marriage. The return date is a date on the complaint which the court uses to gauge other dates in your matter and the age of your case. It is approximately 4 weeks after the date of your complaint. This means that if there is complete agreement your divorce could be final approximately 4 months after the initial complaint is filed with the court.

In order to be ready for a final hearing, the couple must have resolved all issues in dispute. In the adversarial process a divorce generally takes a minimum of ten to twelve months to resolve. Depending on the complexity of the issues in their matter, a couple choosing to mediate their divorce will usually resolve the issues in their matter in two to four months. Even if all issues are resolved, however, the parties must wait until the court has jurisdiction to grant their divorce before they can proceed to the final hearing.

What happens after we reach an agreement?

Your mediator will draft a written agreement detailing your decisions. The written agreement may be reviewed by the parties’ attorneys. The final written agreement is submitted to the Court for approval at the final hearing and becomes the basis for the judgment dissolving the marriage.